Starve.Org White Noise Usenet Archive: "Re: Sep 23, Show Summary"

In article <596807af.0209240709.59c3db80@posting.google.com>,

Otis11@rocketmail.com (Otis) wrote:
> Sep 23
> ADMIN: Not in a good mood today. Probably will not be one of my
> better efforts.

Get in a better mood, OTIS...HOCKEY SEASON begins SOON!

> C1 Monologue. Talks about eating brisket. DL, "You know, I'm kind of
> dainty about food.

Lie #1

> I don't like to over do it."

Lie #2

Big plug for Mr.

> Pickles Deli and their brisket sandwich.

Not another B--T Plug.

> Talks about the Toogood case. Says they behaved badly in the store
> and were escorted out by security. DL, "She's out on bail, which
> surprises me." Says she has, "great concern" over the fact that
> Toogood is out on bail. Reads letter from a former prosecutor.
> Letter writer says the bail has been set unusually low for such a
> case. Laura gives out three phone numbers. One for the original
> judge, the judge who is currently handling the case, and the Indiana
> Commission on judicial somethings to lodge a complaint.

Like that'll do anything besides interfere with the phone answerer's workday...

> C2 0:25 Abby. DL, "Abby?!?! Abby!?!?! Oh, it helps if you press the
> right [button]. I can't believe I did that.

Lie #3

How many years have I

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> been doing this?" She and BF want to get married next year. Says mom
> wants them to live together first. She's 20 and in college. Laura
> rips her on her English. Laura drudges out statistics. DL, "To keep
> out of that 50% [divorce rate], wait." [Um, wasn't she telling a
> caller in the last show that statistics are for populations?]

> C2 3:55 Tina & Jerry. Married for 6 years. She's 46, he's 56. He
> wants to do it three times a week. She wants once or twice about
> every other week. Jerry, "So I said, 'Call doctor Laura 'cause she
> knows what is healthy.'" DL grilling Tina, "Did you ever like sex
> more then you do now?" [Wow, right off the bat it sounds like Laura
> is blaming Tina.]

> Tina, "I'm tired a lot."
> DL, "Tina, that's not an excuse. Because it's your obligation ..."
> [Wow! Nothing like setting equal rights back about a 100 years.]

> DL, "You have obligations to each other and yours is not too be dull."

> DL still railing on Tina, "What have you done to spice it up?"
> Tina, "What have I done?"
> DL, "Yeah."
> Tina, "Why do I have to do anything? Why can't ... <fx cut off by
> DL>"
> DL, "Because you're one of the two people having sex."

> C3 0:25 Continues with Tina & Jerry.

Our Ms. Laura...President of The He-Man Woman Haters Club (THMWHC).

> C3 3:30 Kristy. Started seeing someone who her friend said she once
> had feelings for. DL, "I wouldn't have done that to my friend."

Lie #4

> C5 Monologue. After a two year lapse, the Birthday Bash has returned,
> presented by Home Savings Mortgage in Vegas. [Isn't it ironic that
> Ms. Morality will be hosting a party in "Sin City"?] Says you have to
> be 21 or older since they will be serving booze. [How many fundies
> will she lose on the booze deal? What will Deryk do?]

Sit by the pool and pick up babes. "I'm Derky Schlessinger and my Mom is
the Famous Multimilionaire Radio Host Dr. Laura Schlessinger and when she
dies I get it all."--Derky

> C7 4:15 Ellen. Husband had a brain hemorrhage last year. He's doing
> well. He gave her a trip with her best friend for some time in Africa
> next year. Is she being selfish in going and leaving the kids. DL,
> "Yea." Laura says it's a war torn and disease ridden place. Laura
> suggests they do something exciting as a family like river rafting.

"And that place is full of those stoopid Africans too."--DL

> C9 1:05 Phillip. Mom has been on the transplant list for several
> months. Received the call to get her transplant. Mom is several
> miles away. He's got a family, SAHM, couple of kids. Is he obligated
> to go sit with mom. DL, "No." DL, "You have to take care of your
> family. That's your first responsibility."

"Cut off your mom...Just like I did."--DL

I don't understand why Phillip wouldn't want to help his mom through the
transplant process...

> C10 0:20 Anna.
> C, "I would like to know if I should continue to maintain ... <fx cut
> off by DL>"
> DL, "Stop! I'm not gonna answer that question. I don't care if you
> do or you don't."

> Planned a vacation to Cuba. DL, "Why would you want to take a trip to
> Cuba ... "

> DL trying to be sarcastically funny, "Yeah, because Cuba is such a
> scenic spot."

> Something about friend's Internet dating so she can find a husband
> quickly.

I would love to visit Cuba. I know I wouldn't run into Our Ms. laura there.

> C10 6:05 Lisa. Arguing with husband about his desire to purchase a
> third motorcycle. DL, "Why are we on our third motorcycle." First
> was destroyed by a cousin. #2 was totaled by an 84 year old man
> making a left turn in front of him. DL, "<fx scoff> Sorry, I don't
> know what I can do." Laura says he shouldn't be riding since he's
> married and has small kids. Laura says take out a 6 million dollar
> life insurance policy so she can live real well.

Make sure it has a Double Indemnity clause involving death on a motorcycle.

> DL, "I can't tell you how to change your man." [What makes this time
> any difernt?]

How did you change Derky, Ms. Laura?

> DL, "You know, age with grace. Do it with dignity."

"Just like MEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!"--DL

> Otis
> Author of "those half assed recaps"

> abuse@earthlink.com abuse@aol.com abuse@yahoo.com
> abuse@hotmail.com abuse@msn.com abuse@sprint.com

Official Our Ms. Laura Lie-O-Meter...4 lies

Cheers,

Mr. Red

--
"A dangerous-looking redhead sat languidly at an Adam desk talking into a
pure-white telephone. I went over there and she put a couple of cold-blue
bullets into me with her eyes and then stared at the cornice that ran
around the room."

The Little Sister (1949)

--Raymond Chandler