Source: Page 47 of White Noise Keywords: "burns," "awakened," "toast," "sleep"

From: Starshine Moonbeam <silverbells@tacoshells.com> Subject: "My Hostage Ordeal," by Trippy Day 2 Date: 29 Sep 2003 Newsgroups: alt.alien.vampire.flonk.flonk.flonk

Day 2: Was rudely awakened for my 4 PM wake up call. Apparently, I'll sleep through anything. The Red Cross came and blew open the cell. Then they played cards until they got sick of watching me sleep. Then they left. Dammit. No word on my penthouses and M&M's. Interrogation was after that icky breakfast of French Toast, Sausage links, hash browns and toast. With milk and OJ for drinks. If only they hadn't brought that ketchup for my hash browns. Interrogation consisted of "Hey, why is there a big smouldering hole in your cell?" I told them I didn't know. I was sleeping. This made the interrogator mad and he took me to my cell. "See that? It's a big smouldering hole !!" I said "Yep, a big smoldering hole.""Well, how did it get here? Hmm?" I said "I...was...sleeping....I...don't....know." Then he ran out of my cell. He came back later with a small man and a car battery. He told me to follow him and we came to a room with only a shower. He put the little man under the shower and got him all wet. Then he said "TELL ME HOW A HOLE GOT BLOWN IN YOUR CELL OR I'LL ZAP THIS LITTLE MAN!" I said I sneezed in the middle of the night. Then he laughed and said "HAHAHAHHAHA !! I got you to admit it, you sneezy sneezer you !!" Then he shocked the little man. I owe him a looksy at my Penthouses and some M&M's. That took sack. Dinner was Steak. Medium with A1 sauce and a potato side dish. I didn't feel like steak, so I walked out of the big gaping hole in my cell, and got by every single one of the guards by saying "snuh" whenever they stopped scratching their ass long enough to look at me. I made my way to Popeye's Chicken and got me a chicken and biscuits dinner. The Red Cross set aside some gambling money in case I woke up. They're cool like that. I ate a little dinner and went back to my cell. Good biscuits. I'd have brought some back but all the rest of the hostages used the hole in my cell and they haven't come back yet. Nobody likes cold biscuits anyway. Interrogator came back with the little man. He said "See? This is what happens to friends of Sneezy Sneezers!" And he pushed the little man intothe cell. I gave him the rest of the relief money and told him to go to Popeye's down the street. I told him to try the biscuits, they're pretty tasty. He hasn't come back yet. Damn. There'll be hell to pay for sure. Interrogator came back and wanted to know where the little man was. I told him I ate him as I couldn't handle the slop they were serving me. Interrogator left after promising to get another little man to shock. My life is constant fear. Please God, anybody, save me. -- mhm 31x9 Smeeter #28, 29, or 30 Alcatroll Labs Inc. (Division of Incendiary Devices) StArSHiNe_MoOnbEAm aT HoTMaIL DoT cOM "My candle burns at both ends. It will not last the night; but ah, my foes, and oh, my friends, it gives a lovely light." -- Edna St. Vincent Millay

Back to 2004 Archive, "The Usenet Project" - Back to Starve.Org Main Page - Contact - Starve Archive