Source: Page 40 of White Noise Keywords: "course," "checkout," "hair," "next"

From: ASHLEY@oldadm.ubc.ca (Ashley Lambert-Maberly) Subject: Update Thurs 27 April VALLEY GIRLS Date: 28 Apr 1995 Newsgroups: rec.arts.tv.soaps.abc

Hello and welcome to the Thursday update! Yes, Tuesdays and Thursdays: Canadians Put the "Tea" in Your Week. Today's fabulous episode: VALLEY GIRLS VALLEY GIRL 1--SCARLESS O'HARA: Now that Julia's scar has been removed, Dim Son rushes in with a declaration of love (not even Julia noticed how sleazy this timing comes across). Julia's not ready to accept Dim Son's advances at this time. Like a typical Marick, Dim Son's pushing her. Julia:Don't you think we should have a first date before we get married? She tells him she's changed ... he promises he's changed ... she worries about living in the same house with him if things don't work out ... and he asks her to dinner and a movie. She won't say yes, but she won't say no. She leaves to checkout and sees Noah being sweet with an old man; she stops to linger and spy. VALLEY GIRL 2--THE NANCY DREW A BLANK TYPE. YES, VALLEY INVESTIGATIONS--FOR POOR INTUITION AND A COMPLETE IGNORANCE OF INFORMATION TECHNOLOGY, WE'RE YOUR GUYS--GIRLS--GIRL AND GUY, YOU SHMUCK--WHO'RE YOU CALLING A SHMUCK?: Cecily and Charlie square off again. She's determined that Mr. Andros is having an affair and should be castrated, but Charlie's inclined to tow the innocent-until-proven-guilty party line. Cecily finally manages to talk the unwilling Charlie into heading to the Valley Inn to discover what's up. Charlie:My next partner's going to be a cockatoo. After he leaves, Cecily's free to cruise the aol.alike interface. Beyond Clueless hasn't returned her latest note yet, so she rereads his first one and sighs with anticipation. Charlie gets back from the Valley Inn, where he's learned that far from having an affair, Mr. Andros was actually taking yoga classes from a New Age guru chick. He yells at Cecily while telling her this, so she runs out, leaving him free to cruise the Internet and pretend to type using only the middle finger of each hand. He sends another note to Clueless, baring his soul about a recent run in with Hayley ... not using her name, of course, and revealing that he runs a small business in Pine Valley. VALLEY GIRL 3: THE YUPPIE PRINCESS CEO--ADJOINING SUITES, RELATIONSHIP SOURS: Tink and Arlene, readying for a fancy dinner with Pops and Skeletor, indulge in one of their tense moments again. We see a new side of Arlene--unlike the old lush from five years ago, this Arlene actually cares about her appearance ... perhaps a little too much. "You want your red dress?" screams Tink at her mother ... "Your special red dress that you wore for special occasions, huh? Is this another one of your "special" occasion, Mom? Is it?!?" Arlene decides her current dress is just fine. "Let's just go to dinner with that handsome man of yours," she urges, then to mollify Tink completely, sings some Sondheim to her (melody by Styne): "Wherever we go ... whatever we do ... we're going to get through it together!" Anything to stop Mom from singing, I suppose, so Tink decides to dine instead of quarrel. In the lobby, they run into Charlie, who's buttering up desk clerk Sammy (who owes him one) into information as to what Mr. Andros might be up to. Arlene leaves Tink alone with Charlie, who gives her his blessing, and promises to bring Comet to the wedding. VALLEY GIRL 4--IF IT WALKS LIKE A DUCK, BUT TALKS LIKE A CHEAP SLUT, WHAT IS IT?: Taylor's looking fine with big hair and a low cut clinging black dress. She's got a lunch date with Noah when he finishes his first shift at the hospital (looking fine in standard issue blue fetch'm uniform). Noah spies an old man having trouble with his forms (he left his glasses at home) and recognizes him as Smokey Joe Patterson, the chess player. Noah is very sweet with him, and even listens when Smokey Joe launches into a Grandpa Simpson pointless anecdote: Smokey Joe:Yup, in the old days, in Buford, which was next to Sea City, only they called it Buford Port back then, because Buford was busy, and anyhoo I had these chess pieces, flown in from Cortez, which was down south from here, because that's where they made them, and oh my the pawns on this one were carved from driftwood, because that was the fashion then, so each was slightly different, and the rooks, let me tell you about the rooks ... [roughly adapted] Taylor sees that Julia's been watching Noah with a tender fondness which must be trodden upon immediately. Softly, Taylor sidles up to the Twig. He's incredible, she points out. Taylor:He's got the Magic Touch all right. I was telling him that last night-- [Julia looks at Taylor with her thanks-for-sharing face, but Taylor plows right ahead:] Taylor: --and he proved it to me again and again, all night long. [Julia can't believe Taylor could be gauche enough to go on like this.] Taylor:The other thing about Noah is he's so unpredictable. One minute he's ferocious and the next minute he's sweet and gentle. Julia: So, you and Noah spend a lot of time together? Taylor:Just between us girls ... he's opened me up ... [Julia stand there, aghast] Taylor: ... to a whole new world. She asks Julia if she'd care to do lunch, but Julia would rather rip out Taylor's hair root by root then socialize with her--you can tell from her expression. VALLEY GIRL 5--IF IT WALKS LIKE A DUCK, DRESSES LIKE A MODEL, WEARS MAKE-UP LIKE A TRUCK DRIVER, BUT ACTS LIKE A CHEAP SLUT, WHAT IS IT?: Waiting for Tink and Arlene to come down to dinner, Pops confides to Skeletor that he just can't stand Arlene. Skeletor lets Pops know that there's been a bit of tension between the Tink and Arlene. Pops shares with Skeletor that Arlene's neediness is like a time bomb. Pops:She's an accident waiting to happen. The accident greets Pops by putting her hands over his eyes and coquettishly squealing "Guess who!" She rearranges the seating pattern to make sure she's right next to him, and she wraps her arms around him, and she ruffles his hair, and she compliments him on his body. Tink:Would you like a roll, Mom? [I thought for a moment Tink was pimping for Arlene, but it turned out to be food related.] Arlene:No, I have to watch my figure--or nobody else will! (giggle, laugh, ruffle hair of Pops) Arlene continues to make a big fool of herself. Tink:Waiter! Champagne all around, and keep it coming. Which stops the party dead. Tink says it's a joke, a practical joke, but nobody finds it remotely funny. Skeletor drags her off under the fake fax pretext, and asks what's going on--there's nothing funny about an alcoholic ordering champagne. He's disturbed. Meanwhile, Pops tells Arlene he'll give her a job--in Salt Lake City. He tells her she's a bad influence and she's got to go. Arlene won't budge. Pops insists she move on, just as Tink arrives back at the table. "How dare you attack my mother! I'm the only one around here who gets to attack my mother!" Tink screams at Pops, concluding with "I *need* my mother!" (so she has someone to attack, I presume). Tink:I know what's best for me, and that's my mother!! P.V. HOSPITAL & SOCIAL LOUNGE, SINGLES DIVISION. Noah helps Smokey Joe fill out his forms, and introduces Taylor to him when she arrives. Smokey thinks Taylor looks might fine, especially for a police officer, and makes politically incorrect remarks about getting frisked etc. which don't offend Officer Cannon in the least. They wheel S.J. away, and Noah notice Julia cowering by the checkout stand. He asks her to lunch with Taylor and him, and she declines him too. Then Anton comes by to remind Julia that he isn't hounding her, and Julia quickly accepts the dinner and movie date. Julia:Let's just go for it! Yippee! Dim Son's getting used! That serves him right. [Just what I wanted-hanger] Ashley Lambert-Maberly (ashley@oldadm.ubc.ca) FAC Kendall, AFAC Binky 50%, Keeper of the FAC List, and RATS Reading Group Moderator

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