Source: Page 16 of White Noise Keywords: "vaguely," "subtle," "rolls"

From: userrusj@is.dal.ca (John Barnstead) Subject: Spider's Birthday Saga, the 2003 Enhanced Edition {4} Date: 24 Nov 2003 Newsgroups: alt.callahans

PART 4: FOOD for Spider's Birthday Bash [Please feel free to follow up with additional food and recipes!] Since January 1997, ken-e has had the pleasure of employing one of the greatest cooks around, Ida. She makes a truly special dessert using several tropical fruits, including banana, mango, breadfruit, bananas and coconut. The juices and flavors of all of the different fruits combine, and cane sugar covers the mixture. Sadly, kiwi is not included in this combination since any contact with passion fruit will knock Ida out cold. She did make it for me one time with passion fruit. That day Mrs. -e and I were to have a dinner party, and I wished to impress some people with the talents of our new cook. When I went into the kitchen on an errand, I found Ida on the ground with her eyes closed and her entire body shaking. Now I know, "kiwis floor Ida." "ARGH!" remarks Pernicious the Musquodoboit Harbour Farm Cat. "Is that recipe part of a GREAT CONSPIRACY on your part, dear ken-e?!? Are you trying to use your horrendous pun on Key West Florida to ROB us ALL of our appetites so there will be MORE for YOU?!? Well, dream on! J a, as my French friends used to say in orthography class -- " "Oh, *no*, Pernicious," groans Pernicious the Musquodoboit Harbour Farm Cat's faithful amanuensis and general factotum. "Not *another* incomprehensible bilingual pun!..." "What's incomprehensible about it, Barnstead?" sniffs Pernicious haughtily. "All I said was `Jay' grand, `a' petit... Get it? Get it? "J'ai grand appetit!" `I am very hungry' in FRENCH... Get it? Get it?..." "I think we *all* get it, Pernicious," says Barnstead. "Now, why don't *you* get *stuffed..." * * * Peter Gregg, the Philosopher, after burying the extraordinarily annoying Musquodoboit Harbour Farm Cat under a small mound of peanuts, walks over to the counter which, for once, has been cleared of the Free Lunch, and says: "How 'bout some home made rolls with chewy hard crust, soft enough to melt in your mouth center with cheese and chopped ham baked into the centers. And butterflake rolls and cloverleaf rolls made from potato bread recipe. Pumpkin bread with butter and jelly on the side. Fresh made English muffins hot off the grill. Peanut butter cookies with a hersheys kiss in the center instead of mashing with fork. My own spectacular favorite peanut butter fudge." * * * A large bowl from Peter Eng joins many others on the table. It appears to contain angel hair pasta in mud, but the sticky note on the side reads, "Angel hair pasta with tapenade: Chop one large clove of garlic in a blender. Add one 10.75 oz can of small pitted olives, 1/2c grated parmesan, 1/4c extra virgin olive oil. Puree until smooth, pour over 12 oz. pasta. This bowl contains a triple recipe." * * * Josh would like to bring something new for people to try (and fall in love with). It's originally from Morocco, but has become a popular dish in Israel amongst people of all backgrounds. The name of the salad is Matbucha, and he has introduced it to his family, got them hooked on it, and his mom has since spread this recipe to all her friends, and to his family in the US as well. It tastes really good, and is all dietetic - all vegetables, and practically no oil. Here's the recipe (this is the amounts he makes at home, of course for the party, he'd make a much larger batch simply multiplying all of the numbers in the recipe by the same factor): 15 tomatoes, cubed - usually he gets ones that are a little squashed already. He finds they are better for cooking with than hard firm ones.. 10 peppers, cut into either strips or pieces - If strips are made, they shouldn't be too small so that when you cook them, they dissolve. Any color peppers are okay, but the salad really calls for red peppers. 5 hot peppers, chopped - this is a matter of taste. If you like it spicy, then use five. If you aren't crazy about spicy stuff like he is, use less peppers. It's a matter of trial and error to find exactly how many peppers you like in the salad. After you have finished cutting up all the vegetables (and this takes some time), take two onions and cut them into chunks. Also, take two cloves of garlic and chop them up. Now, take a pot (large enough to hold all of the above, and put it on the fire, covering the bottom with oil. When the oil starts getting hot (it only takes a minute or two) add the onions and garlic. When the onions start turning translucent (another minute or two), add the other vegetables and salt and mix it all up. Cover the pot, and let it sit, mixing occasionally, until the level of liquid covers the level of vegetables. Turn off the flame, and pour out most (but not all) of the liquid. Add a can of tomato sauce (or paste). He then adds spices to the mixture. Usually, he just opens his mom's spice rack and adds whatever "feels" right. This usually means any of the following: oregano, salt, pepper, garlic powder, onion powder, parsley, cumin (if his moms' not looking - she doesn't like it as spicy as he does), hot paprika, and anything else like this. It's sort of like the same list of spices you put on pizza. Mix the whole thing up, and serve cold. It's good as a side dish, or as a dip, if you made the peppers small enough. Josh got this recipe from the cook at the yeshiva he used to learn in (for what that is, see below). She would make it with pickled peppers, instead of fresh, which gives it an entirely different flavor. But she told him that she only does that because when she makes it for the yeshiva, she's making it for 300-400 people, and she gets the peppers all cut into the right size in a can, and when she makes it at home, she makes it with fresh peppers. She also told him that she had learned over the years that if she didn't have it for the yeshiva for Friday night dinner, they knew they'd have a riot on their hands - that's how much they love the stuff in yeshiva. As for what a yeshiva is, it is an institution of higher learning. Judaism holds that learning itself, for learning's sake, is a lofty goal. Yeshiva literally means sitting, and it is a place where Jews sit and learn the laws of Judaism in detail. There is no degree, and no pressure to accomplish a specific amount - the learning is all for learning's sake alone. Of course, some yeshivot (that's the plural) make demand on their students to cover a certain amount or certain subjects, and some have programs in which you can learn the material to become a Rabbi, but most places are just for sitting and learning. This, of course, has nothing to do with the recipe Joshua has included, but that is beside the point. "There is something I have noticed that I think is interesting," adds Joshua. Whenever we see someone eating, we wish them in French "Bon appetit". But there is no English equivalent. There is no real way to wish another person enjoyment in his or her food in English. Anyway, I think it's interesting. Hebrew does have a way of wishing this - and it is "BeTayavon". "Sorry, I'll wager pretty soon I'm not going to be able to have that little talk with you, Ralph," says Pernicious the Musquodoboit Harbour Farm Cat, anticipating having his mouth full while pushing his way to the salad bowl past Ralph von Wau Wau, who has arrived just in time to catch the very end of Josh's oration. "Zo..." remarks Ralph, "Zo... you BeTayavon't TALK, eh? Vell, I BeTayavon't STOP talking ven VE haff finished mit you... Ve haff VEYS uff MAKING you talk..." "Yes, `ve haff VEYS', Ralph, OY veys..." says Pernicious the Musquodoboit Harbour Farm Cat mockingly, shoving past him to get at Josh's salad. "And I don't know about the veracity of YOUR claim, dear Josh -- How about `Party Hearty'," mumbles Pernicious from a mouth overstuffed with Matbucha. "Hmph!" his faithful amanuensis and general factotum Barnstead is heard to mutter, "How about STUFFING IT, Pernicious?...." * * * Zulaya chooses to contribute an appetizer - olives and water chestnuts soaked in soy sauce, then wrapped in bacon strips (secured with toothpicks) and cooked on a baking sheet in the oven. She also brings - sorry, folx, no recipe available for this one - a hollowed out round loaf of bread filled with a spinach dip, with the inside part of the loaf cut in cubes and at hand for dipping. Enjoy! * * * As is his usual way, Jacob has brought a lot of food to this li'l shindig. There is a large thermal beverage container which pours out hot mulled cider (Note from Jacob: see recent Recipe post), as he wanted to bring a hot drink for cold weather that wasn't coffee. A large tray sits on the table on a heated ceramic tablet, covered with napkins. When the napkins are removed, nachos can be seen. And what nachos! They are covered in melted cheeses, both sharp cheddar and monterey jack; on top of the nachos can be seen scallions and sundried tomatoes and mild yellow peppers; and they taste of minced roasted garlic! Small plates are next to the tray, as well as cups filled with sour cream and salsas of varying heat. A big pot also can be seen on the table, and from the pot comes the tantalizing smells of stew. The stew seems to have small pieces of beef and cut carrots and potatoes, quite obviously; but it also has <taste> apples and <taste> pears and <taste> onion and <taste> a little garlic. Gently spiced though not spicy, with a strong flavor of beef and other tastes in the background, all blended together and marvelous, this stew must have been cooking for several hours at least. And the beef is so *tender*. * * * J.W. drops by, bearing a large tureen of Homemade French Onion soup - November is cold down there - served with crusty bread and beer. A tossed salad with lettuce, tomato, green and red peppers, carrots, home-made croutons, mushrooms. Served with home-made blue cheese dressing. For the carnivores in the crowd, roast beef. Rubbed with mustard and cooked just until pink in the middle. Served with roast onions, carrots and potatoes. Covered with gravy made from pan drippings with red wine. For the vegetarians, pasta served with a home-made sauce of tomatoes, mushrooms, onions, garlic, and peppers (bell and hot). For dessert, cream-cheese pie (cream cheese and condensed milk with lemon juice in a graham cracker crust) served with slices of lime and kiwi. A selection of herbal teas. A selection of chocolate mints (can't have a feast without chocolate).... * * * Meanwhile, Glinda shares her incredible recipe for -- CHOCOLATE DECADENCE Melt together over hot water (or in a microwave): 14 oz. semi-sweet chocolate 2 oz. bitter chocolate 1/4 c. strong coffee 1/4 c. brandy* Stir until satiny smooth. Combine: 6 large eggs 1/2 c. sugar Stir over hot water until eggs are lukewarm. Beat at high speed until mixture is pale yellow and very fluffy (about 5 minutes). Whip: 1/2 pint heavy (whipping) cream until fairly stiff. Carefully fold eggs and cream into chocolate, maintaining as much volume as possible. Pour into buttered, parchment-lined [butter the parchment] 10" pan. Bake in water bath in cool (275 deg. - 300 deg.) oven until slightly springy in center. Chill for at least 4 hours. Note: Mixture will fall; this is supposed to happen. To unmold: Slightly heat bottom of pan. Run hot, wet knife around edge. Invert on flat surface. To cut, use hot, wet knife, cleaning thoroughly after each slice. May be served with whipped cream, powdered sugar dusting, or raspberry sauce. * or Kahlua, or Grand Marnier (if that's in the budget) http:\\www.lspace.org\fandom\recipes\desserts\miscellany\ChocolateDecadence. html * * * JanetM bustles into the place, on time, for once, thanks to the magic of Callahan's. She seems to be carrying enough groceries for a siege! The first thing she unpacks, from the smallest of her bags, is a large bowl of something pink. Correctly reading the inquiring glances, she explains, "It's /taramosalata/, a Greek dip. It's made with caviar (or, in this case, lumpfish roe, because that's what I can afford). Really simple, actually -- roe, lemon juice, and olive oil, plus bread crumbs to give it some body. Whirl it all in the blender, and chill. It's great with crackers or melba toast." "I *like* parties," she adds as she begins setting up to make a huge tossed salad. "It's the only time I get to really *cook*." Various forms of greenery begin to appear from her bags, and are quickly rinsed and torn or cut into pieces. "Let's see -- lettuce (no iceberg, thank you; there's butter lettuce, and Bibb, and Boston, and red-leaf and green-leaf, and some romaine), celery, green pepper, cherry tomatoes (left whole, so that people who don't like tomato can remove them easily), and avocado. I'll skip the tofu this time, and use some shredded cheese instead. Oh, and croutons, for contrast. Ooh! Water chestnuts! Those will go nicely, and so will these toasted pecans. Now, where did I put the marinated artichoke hearts and the marinated mushrooms? ... Oh, here they are!" She gently tosses the marinated goodies (and their marinade) with the rest of the salad. "No dressing needed, this way," she says. Morpheme Addict has brought Parmesan Chicken Wings: Mix: 1/2 cup parmesan cheese, 1/2 cup bread crumbs, 1/2 tsp. each, paprika, garlic salt, onion powder, oregano, basil, salt. Coat chicken in mixture and drizzle margarine over them. Bake for 1 hour at 375 degrees. Enjoy! Earl shows up at the door looking vaguely ridiculous in full Margaritaville (TM) rig: Bermuda shorts, flip-flops, a loud shirt decorated with parrots and a straw boater prominently displaying a button reading "If this is Paradise, where's my cheeseburger?" While November is a bit early in the year to be comfortable near the Gulf, one must make sacrifices for special occasions. One hand clutches the usual Bag O' Fun Stuff; the other bears an offering of - could it be? Yes! - Uncle Fred's Famous Clam Dip. The latter finds its way quickly to the snack table. "The recipe? Nothing to it, really. Blend equal parts of softened cream cheese and Miracle Whip (or the equivalent), mix in clam broth to reach the desired consistency and add drained, chopped clams to taste. I tend to like mine chunky, with about two 6 1/2 oz cans of clams per 8 oz of cream cheese. Not for the faint of diet, but I find it goes well with everything from chips to veggies." * * * Ali backs through the door, tugging on the handle of a red Radio Flyer wagon. As the wagon clears the door, the smell of fresh hot marinara sauce begins to fill the air. Underlying that smell is the yeasty smell of fresh bread. Another smell begins to make itself known. It is subtle, sweet - yet not truly sweet. Appreciative patrons begin to sniff actively, trying to ferret out the source of the last smell. Pulling even with the bar, Ali unloads a large stockpot filled with sauce. Another large pot contains pasta. A smaller crockpot holds Italian meatballs. Several loaves of fresh, crusty French bread follow the pots onto the bar. All that's left in the wagon now are two small foil-covered round shapes. There is much peering over shoulders, and much discussing. Bets are placed. Ali just smiles and shakes her head, lifting the round shapes carefully and placing them on a nearby table. She takes the foil carefully off of one round shape, revealing...... A New York Style Cheesecake with glazed cherry topping! The second shape turns out to be a chocolate swirl cheesecake. "New York Cheescake, eh?" says Pernicious the Musquodoboit Harbour Farm Cat, "Now, that *reminds* me of something.... Barnstead! Barnstead, you IDIOT!! You CRETIN!! Barnstead, you fool, you've forgotten to bring a BIRTHDAY CAKE!!!" Pernicious is advancing on his pitiful amanuensis and general factotum with blood in his eye and mayhem in his heart, when SUDDENLY -- -- The door flies open and in bounds a breathless red-head, her usually wild curls even more askew than normal, skirts and scarves a flutter. "Whew!" Jezebel sighs, setting a hastily wrapped parcel down on the nearest table. "Thought for a moment there I was going to miss the festivities." ... and Jezebel opens the box, whisking away the cardboard to reveal nothing less than the infamous LARGE DAMP CAKE COVERED IN GREEN ICING. "Well, *someone* had to do it!" she says, grinning. "And I made it from Pernicious' own recipe, so it's bound to be good! At least, the folx in Seattle thought so." Presenting the cake to Our Patron, Jez executes a sweeping curtsy, and then bustles off to the bulletin board to pin up a note: "Recipe available at http://www.peak.org/~kightp/cake.html" Mike begins to stack plates and cutlery on the bar, while Pernicious the Musquodoboit Harbour Farm Cat ceremoniously lights the FIFTY TWO CANDLES (one to grow on!...), using his North Carolina Prosthetic Index Fingers with Optional Built-In Cigarette Lighter (tm) to general applause from the Patronage-at-Large: "HAPPY BIRTHDAY SPIDER!!" Everyone gives three cheers, and from somewhere in the room Shadowcat is heard to begin the first verse of the infamous Birthday Dirge -- "Hey, Fast Eddie," says Pernicious the Musquodoboit Harbour Farm Cat in a stage whisper, "you guys don't need to get warmed up for the Entertainment yet -- it'll take 'em at least TWO HOURS to get through all the verses of the Birthday Dirge...."

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